I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
