So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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