Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
