either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
