one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
