you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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