he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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