Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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