He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
