they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
