right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize