and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
