I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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