is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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