remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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