i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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