ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
