Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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