I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
