I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
