Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
