Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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