Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
