I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I understand Curling. That high.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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