someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
