I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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