i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
