i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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