okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
