you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
