Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
jump out the window naked night went bad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
