I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize