all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
