Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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