and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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