1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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