it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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