I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
