last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
