why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Green mimosas i think yes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
