3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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