I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
