guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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