hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
