when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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