i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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