bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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