Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize