Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
