My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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