YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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