Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
