Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
