it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
