twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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