I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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