Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
